And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
