just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
