try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
