Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
a search helicopter?!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
