How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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