I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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