I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
