there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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