I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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