I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
