Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
