i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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