Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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