Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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