around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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