i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
