Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
this is an emotional support booty call
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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