she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
