I hate all girls vehemently.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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