i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
