nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Randomize
