Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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