That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
