My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
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