I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
