I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
