Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
where are you?
Hypothermia
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
