I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
