i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
