im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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