she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
