It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
