Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i will never coherently bang her
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
