quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my poor anus
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
