We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
