my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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