I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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