and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
