I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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