i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Randomize
