he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
