Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
