Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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