i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
