I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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