tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
