You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
