Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
