im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
