doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
