My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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