I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
