I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
