Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
