I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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