oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
