he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
